I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
