You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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