I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
