i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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