Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
