You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
