i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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