I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
