I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
