What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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