The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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