Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
