Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
