When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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