Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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