I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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