I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
