Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
