My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
