Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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