We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Houston, we have a blender
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
