It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
