It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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