I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
