Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
