the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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