if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
