I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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