trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
