i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
