I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
