don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
