I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
