guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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