fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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