My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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