Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
