Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
