The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
