now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize