So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
