Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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