i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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