I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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