All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
