He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
