whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
