If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
