I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
