All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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