dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
