I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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