It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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