U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
