Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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