Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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