I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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