***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
