the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
