I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
