She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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