question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
