I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
