God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he shaved USA in his pubs
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
