the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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