How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
