i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
