So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
