i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
