The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
