I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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