youre lurking in front of me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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