I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
