HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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