Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
